This chapter closes

Inhale the last drops of scent
Lingering memories that hold me close
Long days and underground nights, I think this place has come to a close. There will be eventually others, a new name, new features, maybe even a new set of stories.
Or the stories could begin here where they belong.
Cryptic. I want sugar, a bath, cold water, my friends closer, secrets, purple sunsets.

Hope dream aspire

The bus again is a catalyst; all these people feeling things I will never know. It's too much. The beauty of youth the beauty and the lost souls. I am venturing out into the night. Restless, forgetful, anxious. I want drugs and lots of them; I want the wind up around my thighs as dawn breaks. That's not what I'm looking for, not tonight, not again. Something has shifted.

Just Once

Turns as quickly to twice
As one into two

With self-awareness
I avoid booze as it is the path
Of temptation

My lungs thank me as I turn minutes into miles

And my breath into a rhythmic stroke as I count laps

I hear beats breaking up the street and I'd like to go, dance, lose myself against the sound, inhale the smell of hot bodies, remember the feel of flesh.

I wait for the bus and I am hungry.

Swept Away

Rainbows are more common here than not
Especially in spring as the afternoon's clouds gather strength just before sunset

I slept until I was saited; it was amazing until the dreams came out of nowhere
out of the recesses of my my semi-lucid mind

My muscles are strengthening
physically, that's a good choice,
mentally as well.

I may take next Tuesday off work

Like a Boss

I saw the need to pay Sallie Mae, so that I can stop changing my phone number and stop running from the past which I embrace

I registered for classes and am moving toward a future I embrace

I joined a gym to keep me in the present which I embrace

I told my boss to schedule me kindly

I am one day today only

In making amends with myself, I make agreements: no one knows me better than me; do the hard stuff first; trust that multiple and equal truths support rather than diminish; love drives out fear, anger drives out love.

I am overflowing.

Narrow Gulf

My feet have spent years in boots; my hands after years of roaming have settled.
I wonder about the rain, how it comes when I seem to need it the most. It's soft and continuous. I seem to need it.
Day one: would I willingly join a gym?
Does my lipstick seem out of place?
How plastic am I?

Nights like days

I pull myself across schedules and thin dawns. Yesterday, before five, was a beep beep roaming in my window. I counted the pulse. Three on five off three on five off. Logically, I thought: aliens.
Words I despise: acceptance; bitch; cunt; despise; feud; garolous; hindsight; insipid; jovial; kindered; lock-out; meager; no; perhaps; quaint; stranded;  thin; ungent; vain; waistrel; xenophobic; yell; zealous.

Securities

Or lack thereof
That I have nothing
I offer lead
For stones
I am gilded, cocky, long in the tooth
I retort ambivalence, blithe circumspect vision
For stones
For laughs
Pretext, mistaken for context
I hear more than voices

To do

Acceptance, boat, crush coins, digs, evolve, fellowship, give horses, ink, joy, kindness, love, mission, nourishment, obliterate punishment, quell, roam, secure tenderness, ultra violet wisdom, xxx, yield, zeitgeist

my eyes are faucets

my heart's arrhythmic beats
again over again

as if breathing where a choice or words where an unguent sent from the lips of god to my ear

thin blood, thin blood, thin blood

I hear the train's horn
hot steel breath
the tinker of rain
stolen sips

***

Know that I love you

***

Know that I love

knowing I loved

***

The train
it's coming

home from work

long days lead to nodding out on public transit
I lost my phone on the bus

Well, at least that happened.

Sustain Me

This body, my bones are breaking
I can feel my mind slipping out water under a door

I work, eat, sleep, work. This is grueling and I suffer for its own sake. But I am not suffering, only tired all the way into my bones and behind my eyes.

My lattes are looking fancy. I am getting more control of the micro-foam and a refined palate for cherry, chocolate, licorice, and spice. I do love pulling coffee.

My skin is itchy, not enough water. Or, it might be that I haven't shaved my legs in an eon and they a monsterous mess of hair, skin, bruises, and strength.

It is interesting to me that when I have all the time in the world, I am anxious about finding work; when I work, I am not anxious but rather sleepy and itchy.