catch where catch can

Hmmm back to the toshiba, that means wretched spelling and a moderate use of commas.

The farm. I've lived on this farm now minutes and days away from a year. Amazed that I've been able to weather the storms of emotion, exhaustion, and, that intangible forgotten reason that I came here in the first place, education. I suppose of all of the things I've done in my short life figuring out how to live here and exist between the cracks is teaching me more than anything else I've ever done.

This week: say no to dates that don't sound like fun from the get-go. I don't have to do anything with anyone I don't want to. Take that money bags your fancy car and sweet smelling cigars can keep on rolling, I am just not willing to be pinned down and told how a first dates is gonna be.

I fall in love with my friends all over again. The ones who've stuck through it, seen the upside down reflection of our faces hovering over mirrors in dark rooms before dawn and are back now clean and tight with no secret agendas but an agenda nonetheless. Secret agenda man, I love you guys. There is something to be said about the pact of time and the ability to overcome ourselves as we know eachother we find ourselves. Something like that. Not quite. What I am saying is that I have the most rotten friends. They show up when needed, support me, call me out on my bullshit, and the big one, I have emotional trust with them. I love you.

Emotional trust is the challenge of my life. Since I didn't learn trust in my family as a child, I am learning it now. Hard knocks and tough spills. But I am starting to learn about the magic word" No, sir, and thank you very much." Those magic words keep me safe, though they're not nearly as much fun as "Fuck yea, I'm all in!"