nor am I hungry
I am at a complete loss
haunted by my own devices
I wish I had managed to pack another jacket,
pair of pants, shoes
My heart breaks over the loss of my teddy bear, the necklace my father gave me when I was sixteen, my work. This is not a pint a night of Ben & Jerry's kind of despair.
My mind reels and I feel I've misread cues, have used poor judgement. I am terrified of what's next. I have no idea what disasters I've created in failing to function regularly and properly. I am afraid that life will no longer accept me and that my efforts will be scorned. I am so afraid of the monster in me that I've been feeding. I can hear its voice and feel its hot breath in my gut.
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