Life's Kitchen

I am the only person in the lower 48 who is unable to get a credit
card? It seems that I am. I am not only smarting from this injustice, I am enraged at the new system of price differentiation for credit worthy people. Congress is discussing whether or not it is legal for insurance companies to check your rating before issuing coverage. Because, poor f*cks don't deserve health care.

issue two: I don't get advertised prices on cellphones and plans. Those are for "credit worthy" people. You know, the kind of people who haven't done the bad things I've done. Things like buy a vehicle and make monthly payments for three years. The fact that in the last two years, I have never once had a late phone payment is little assurance to this company. They don't want poor people to have cool phones; it's bad for their image.

F*ck all of them. Companies are not people.
They do not have emotions and are not singling me out; it just feels that way. Thanks 14Th amendment! Corporate person-hood is TOPS!

The ranting has left me flustered and wretched. The record player is broken. Well, this one's a total bitch and I am so tired of feeling w*rthless for my lack of lasting stability. I could cry, but where does that leave me? with a basket full of tissues and a red nose. Who am I to disparage life's offerings. They are not meager. Funny, how things make worth and worth is an estimable quality. Naturally I recognize the fallibility of material satisfaction. Recognition does not stop me from wanting or in some cases, needing.

I relate the tightness in my throat to the unfairness I felt as a girl. I learned, very young, to never ask for anything. Not because I couldn't have it, which was true. Because, in voicing the unfairness of not being able to get a pair of jeans, I would have to face the reality without the dream. This brings it all back. I still feel my worth based, judged, mirrored, by my economic power. This is such a long standing and corrosive field that I best not tread on it.

This is the nature of the world and I cannot understand why the world continues to reject me. It is being unable to meet a standard; I do not pass the bar. It is a constant test to my resilience and vulnerability. Neither of which are feeling up to the constant barrage of insults heaped upon me by non-people: machines that cannot feel but instead think.