depraved

Even the connotation is based in madness.

There are times I believe there is a hole in my skull or heart; is there an effervescent structure amiss? I have no solid conclusions such a state of unbeing. Recognise the eyes I use to see are sequentially limited. I question my role: a limiter, existence is limited. The natural unstate. I do long division in my head, staring out across the haze, the horizon. Minutes pass, forty minutes. I proceed to class, I am an hour early, which leaves time for more numbers. Weary of numbers I progress to words. Words make promises. Words shape pictures across the red of my eyelids. Faster and more demanding, they thrash my eardrums. The cacophony stops more abruptly than it started.

Much later I push my voice up into a false tempo. Everything is just fine, my voice clips along. Astride my mind, I hunt for clues. It is a long and lonely night. My external and internal caress with lover's finesse. Nude I am left to witness their molestation.