fellows

it's usually me

who breaks

first

a tempered weld

is stronger

than the original

my metal bones

reknit

feint

the ghost left my body, leaving me exhausted but incorporated. the ups and downs of June: tidal waters murky with flotsam; loose dreams and expansive horizons; late nights and later dawns. 

the necessity of pain and the place where finally letting go and accepting perfection in its  tangible form allows me to exhale. 

faith based living allows love without expectation. 

Love's Fool

I am a fool for love

I am not a fool for loving
carelessly, with abandon
regular as an inhale

The chips
leave them

spinning scattering suspended in air

clocks keep time

I calculate the number of hours

measure them in sunsets

sage brush

changing topography

Between your home and mine

miles split the horizon

into days

Let the Darkness Return, or An Ode to Summer

As

compulsion fades

the desperation, the lost mind and wandering spirit

took time to settle and look at themselves 

to see their reflection

pained

Breathing in

a whole, deep breath

I threw my towel on the floor

exited the ring of despair

I build

a little clay house

shaped like a heart

lit from within

Inside

the warmth overtook me

light joy rememberance

part of god

all of god

none of god

love

reflects out

infinite exponential growth

opening opening opening

further wider 

encompassing embracing accepting 

each and every scar

and every mar

that has stained 

the glass window 

lovely by day, they sparkle and shine

in the darkness of night under a an empty moon 

its splendor revealed

lit from within

the wind and I have this thing

For a moment I was that happy girl

and it felt amazing 

to be with 

someone 

that

I

chose

I felt that

incredible, beautiful

I would rather hold all of that those memories in my heart

to look back on examine as pearls on a long string

I've been saying so long

I love my friends, I like to fuck strangers

there's a part of me that would like to keep fucking you

so I think

maybe it's best

if we

stay 

strangers 

a little longer

she moves more than mountains

Giving my heart out out out fearlessly
breathing

the catch in my throat

my dreams are my inspiration
I love

across the sunset of desire
beyond the canyons of our forgotten memories

I pull into myself

I've been sleeping long and relatively hard the last days. Oversleeping and to be frank I've needed it, part of my program is flexibility in the process of figuring out how to take care about my needs.

my love contains multitudes

sunrise yawns through my open bedroom window

wakening my senses restored

responding to the cool cotton sheets

oh how I love

heartbreak's spill-over

I take the Unknown

Between you and the cliff

I take the later

Fresh like a breeze

the daisy

the maybe 

is

too

strong

I recover my wits

discover memory

urges me

to explore

lands less traveled

songs unsung

limitless language

secrets spoken

to the wind carried on wings to my ears

Shade in the Desert

I threw my heart's

chambers

open

to pause

before the precipice

gusts tempt

wind howls

my heart aloft

swiftly soaring

steadfast home

lord, how do I love

The warmth of the sun radiates through the cedar wall and though I sit inside I feel its rays. 

today, these days, I better my heart. I struggle. I fight myself into submission. I avoid hot metal and booze and drugs that bend the truth.

supposing that love, simple love, opens locked boxes: what bones would be laid bare; would those places skeletons haunt in dusky half light, be swept and mopped and shine?

oh how I grow faint from desire

how i long for hot metal and booze and drugs which tell half truths. 

compression

unexplained weight loss

what would I do without you

those who've seen the shine's

tarnished luster

wax and wane

I hung from my hips-

swaying in the quarter moon breeze 

mashing my right lateral femoral nerve

into numb submission

I look for solace in

sugilite fluorite lepidolite tonics

infused with the waxing moon

fennel and rosemary

the posts have been sunk and the flowers planted

what's left is to tend the garden

I am a farmer's daughter

he spoke to plants and they grew

I woke at 03:32

before dawn's birds began their calls

but after the chittering coyotes finished

the offering I left across the meadow

my eyes bolt open heart racing 

mind mind mind spinning 

I've taken to crystals and mediation

because now

I don't run from my heart's shadow

meeting william Carlos Williams

I am at jenni's, staying in her authentically rustic cabin above dry creek general store. she's nuts for the quiet combination of Danish modern and cowboy and just enough dishes. I've taken to living solo like a flower to sun and fear the waiting confines of my estrogen hostile dorm. but, I suppose, that's the price for playing princess at pony palace. 

these days I am not worth much else. I've got a penchant for booze tend to smoke unfiltered cigarettes and drink my coffee black and whatever temperature I find it. 

I can flex my back, write backwards

and 

upside down

at the same time

one armed push ups

and a tequila sunrise

anyhow tomorrow I need to return to life as I've known it and I could almost rip all the skin from my arms

just thinking