Okay you like your friends and I am so glad that you have so much to talk about. Which is why you are here, at my restaurant, having breakfast on New Year's Day. I get that you were hungry and in need of caffeine and nutrition, so I brought you both and even, maybe gave you a little banter as I dropped off your steaming plate of eggs.
But now, two hours later, it's getting old. Your face has lost whatever charm it had and you are a thief.
What?!? you benignly ask
(This is where I slip into fantasy)
This is the busiest day of the year, I say as I take your hand, do you not see the twenty people waiting to have their chance at caffeine and nutrition? do you not know that since they have no over-grown toddler, they are in the midst of a very dangerous hangover and I want to put hot food in their empty bellies???? Get the fuck out of here.
And leave me a 20% tip for every half hour you stay over once your meal is over and then you'll just be an asshole and not a thief.
I make my money from turning tables as quickly as I can and when you sit sit sit and only leave me a measly six bucks for two and a half hours of table time you are a worse than a worm.
Or I'll ask where you work and then I'll just go there and be as rude as possible for as long as possible infront of as many people as possible.
Love and Kisses,
Your Breakfast Server
2 comments:
my friend lizzy referred to this as "table rent".
Yeah and I want to leave signs on the table or start bringing people marshmallows and chocolate so they can camp more comfortably...
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