The following are a few excerpts from among a collection that Chaya had printed out on small colored cards at her studio. They are from writings published at various times but seemed to have been some of her favorites so I am posting them here in her stead as I think they are something she wanted to share. They seem more poignant to me now. Rest in peace Little Sister.
Caleb
--
It's one of those things that I don't do
all of that aside I am absolutely in a fix
transposing anxiety
for relocation
I find myself
again
knowing nothing
-I don't lie by CSL
--
It is not that long here anyhow, one way or another. Unless they figure out a way of keeping my soul tied to this planet. Which the devil may do if they have their will. It's to me no bother. Not a big one.
I lie. It is the nightmare. Imagining being stuck on this fucking rock with troglodytes who don't know how pristine their utopia is as they are hell bent for destroying it.
I've read a few books and seen some pictures. I know what happens. I remember how this story ends and you do too.
-Excerpt of Birds, or, perhaps crows? by CSL
--
How to explain the hot heat of a memory from another life. I died that day.
That's what no one ever says about being reborn. Death comes first.
Now that bit of trivial sophist in me wants to present an alternative: hot cicadas bursting through the heat. I am transported to yet another dream. I am on the Mediterranean, in linen. Water on a balcony with lemons floating. The pitcher and the breeze carry the weight of summer. A car rumbles and a motorbike revs into a halt. The spell is broken and I am carried by the sound as the bike accelerates into the horizon. Carrying me in the waves of sound.
-Excerpt of The Otherwise by CSL
--
The last whole life has been a lie
All of it, and there are so few relative truths. That 80 mph relative to concrete is an effect of gravitational forces seems more real than anything else I can hold.
I need to get the fuck out of here
Europe, Latin America, Mars: incorporates into dark matter
I've thought about checking myself
into a hospital
or MMA ring
Instead I pray into my finger tips and the loose hold I keep on the throttle
I'm going home to paint in hot wax
Colors that have never been seen before
-Excerpt of Smaller Pieces by CSL
--
My skin is more satisfying now to live in than when I was a girl. It feels home this skin. That's the unshakable truth, that it took me forever to know the make of my being.
I am uncertain of my motives. My attraction to life, to expression, to the evolution of possibility is unquestionable. I hunger for experience, distilled panoramas, stargazing, and shotgun shells.
My love, always and all of it, to you.
-Excerpt of Silk Satin Pajamas and an Agenda by CSL
2 comments:
Thank you Caleb! I go through moments of really missing her and other moments where I fool myself.
Caleb I need to speak to you about something that I believe Chaya would have wanted.
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