A long hello stops short of goodbye

I take a long cold look at myself and am radio loud, shirt off

Legs long, wave hello to the sky

This is not a moment but a long hello

*conversations last night*

I turn to the man beside me
Dallas? I met you in Seattle

He was ready to be anything anywhere for me, since I have a thing for Native Cowboys, I was ready to let him.

Sitting near him as he rolled a cigarette he pulled his eyes down my legs. We shared the cigarette. Hot smoke burned the air between us. Come with me, he says, anywhere you want to go.

He pulls me for a moment close to him. I feel the heat of his body push through the denim of his pants. There is no reciprocal heat. I want nothing more than to run. But, I don't. I still have that fucked up thing. I walk back to his van. I sit inside for one second before I realize that this is the almost absolute last place on earth that I want to be. So I grab the handle to open the door.

Child locks prevent me from opening the door.

*I slide over the front seat and out the passenger door.*

Released into the night, into the company of C.

I have a few problems in life. Putting myself in fucked up situations by being willing to smoke a cigarette with a stranger is not something that I am proud of. It happened. I was there.

The moralist in me is judgemental: stop smoking; don't talk to strangers; don't play with fire; start being more of a grown ass lady and buy groceries.

I couldn't agree more.

So much so that I agree less. I am one day at a time the happiest, most self-expressed, darling.

I have been growing alfalfa sprouts and have a tendency to push myself to explore every aspect before my curious mind is sated. It is time to explore an entirely new world.

All my love always to you