Makes me Itch

Against my skin I woke up sideways twisted around my sheets, Sampson tossed to the floor like yesterday's cheese. I slept like shit, it was the ice cream and brownies I ate at quarter to eleven. I ate them because my uterus said, "Fuck Your Cunt Whore!"after I had a new IUD inserted into my lady bits. You gots to pay to play you know? Nothing in life is free. Except not having a kid to tote around on my hip for the next five damn years, that's some sort of freedom.

The lady doc took such good care of me. The whole clinic really. They gave me a hot water bottle, an electric heating pad, and a recliner to doze off into wonderland. It's my second IUD; this time my colon didn't have an immediate and aggressive flight response, so that was nice and a lot less stinky.

I've been considering sterilization! Horray for people who are so generous with their belief in the future of the planet that they decide the nicest, greenest, most humanistic thing they can do is not to produce offspring. I am a big fan of the childless by choice movement. I am a bigger fan of people without kids demanding basic human rights for the entire world.

Chanting in the streets, "I won't have no baby at my titty till you free Peltier!" and "Fluoride free water is a right!" and "Give me a sandwich or give me a gun!" this throng of women without babies, this hoard of ho's without bro's is going to take it to the man because without babies there is no future and I don't mean to be a cow, but right now I'm not totally stoked on the war, poverty, financial crime, lack of legal drugs that are fun, prison system, foster care for kids whose parents are in jail for taking fun drugs and not having enough education and being a color other than white. I want everyone to have a god damn sandwich. If we put the brakes on babies, have a platform, get enough support and internet attention, maybe something could happen.

So thank you Lady Doctor! for keeping me child-free for another six years. Thank you for keeping my who-ha in proper working order and it is worth the night of poor sleep to know that I am keeping up my end of the bargain. Between no babies, being an organ and blood donor, and trying to recycle I am going straight to heaven no questions asked. Word.