Becomes a mantra that replaces the other one.
I am battling myself these days. The times when my hormones hack my brain and I'm left dispassionate, disassociated, gasping for breath.I rode out today for a few hours before work. How incredible to hit the back county roads and just open the throttle. I have to watch myself; safety is a concern.
I have come to realize that my hormones have cycles of their own. Every three months there is an especially epic dose of hell. I also feel like I have become a queen of the masquerade. I hide and find refuge in the solace of books, the whir of the washing machine at the 24hr Laundromat.
My phone is fine. Evidently I didn't pay the tab. Usually they text me multiple times alerting me to the end of my service date, this time was different.
I have a whole lot of fuck you in my head right now. That bothers me. I do deeds to overcome my inner fierce impulse driven nature. I pray to the stars and lick my fingers clean.
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